Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
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Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
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I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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