In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
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