In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
you never un-have a 4some
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
