If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Randomize
