I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
Even the bartender felt bad for me
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
