i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
