I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
This is my gift to your gina
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
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