Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
How many fucks given?
0.12846
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
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