i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
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Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
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I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
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