"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
