yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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