Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Randomize
