we're chasing vodka with high fives
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
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