I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Randomize
