btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Randomize
