people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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