I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
