Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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