i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Randomize
