Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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