How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
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