Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
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i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
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I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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