I'm drive I can fine osifer
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
You brought string cheese to the strip club
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
