I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
