You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
