If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
meet me or not, i'm out of control
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
