I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
