the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
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