Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
