What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
