Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
