you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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