If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
