ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
