My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
