You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
