Too much gin, very little bucket
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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