i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
