took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
what ever happened to devon sawa?
fuck...who knows?
i'm really worried about him.
i just google imaged poop.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
