chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Randomize
