i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Randomize
