I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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