sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Randomize
