I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
everyone is single if you try hard enough
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
