i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Randomize
