Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
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