Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
