good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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