I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
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