So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
