His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
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