i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Randomize
