Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Randomize
