woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
