Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
