Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
lets start a swedish sibling band together
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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