i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
I need moral support for this bender
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
