They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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