oh god the rape fog is back!
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
