Need sex. Gaining weight.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize
