you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
