My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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