Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
