There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
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