I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
