You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Randomize
