Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
