can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
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