If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
