Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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