i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
I am in a vortex of obligation.
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
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