I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Randomize
