I just made out with a guy for $7.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
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