So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
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