hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
