Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
